Monday, January 3, 2011

Once a cheater

Once a cheater… always a cheater. Right? Isn’t that the saying? My husband cheated on me. With a woman he had had a prior relationship with and a sexual relationship with. Before our third anniversary too. And with a woman he lost his virginity with, I suspect. He blames the affair on me. I fight with him too much. Always when he has been drinking too (which by the way is every single night for the last two years). I cry over it almost every night and he gets mad at me saying “It’s not gonna work.” He says. YOU RUINED US!!!! Just how the hell do you get over something like that? How? Please tell me! I delete the pictures of his erect stimulated penis I saw in his phone he sent this other woman. Him playing with himself while thinking of HER? In MY bathtub? Texting and calling her at 3 am? 537 times in a 30 day perios. Three hours of phone conversation in that same month! On Christmas??? New Years?? Just how am I supposed to get over this? He shows me no compassion or consideration? And has never truly shown remorse. Just two angry apologies and many “I won’t do it again” or “I learn my lesson”. Oh that makes it okay doesn’t it. Yeah like I can ever believe that. Oh I learned my lesson too, I cannot trust this man I entrusted with my heart. I was in a horrible accident this summer and he showed no compassion. “What you think I never broke a bone?” His reaction. I still had to do it all all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, AFTER WORK!!!! With 12 breaks in my arm and a broken leg. I went back to work in casts after only three weeks. Against the doctors orders. I was in the hospital for four days and when he finally arrived to visit he would stay a mere 15 to 20 minutes (if that) then do on his drunken backroad drive. Oh but four months after his knee surgery he still …. Whatever. I am the one with the problems he says. I am to believe that I cause all the issues in this marriage. I want sex. I want a love life! I want to feel valuable, important and loved. I want to feel special. I am willing to forgive him if only he PRETEND he wants me! I truly love him that is why it hurts so much, and that I believe is my mistake. He treats me like shit all the time. Just someone to blame all the problems in the world on and if I ever have something I need to talk about… OH HEAVEN FORBID! Just get over it right? How do you think he would react if I did what he did? Think he could get over it so easy? If I betrayed his trust? Even just a fraction of the betrayal he violated!!!!!

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